Review and Discussion of Heroes Slash Fic

After watching last night's episode of Heroes, I couldn't help but appreciate the tender bond between Claire and Elle. The two have finally realized that they're basically the same person, and that right now their malfunctioning powers perfectly compliment one another.

Immediately after, I started thinking what every straight male had started thinking: hot blonde-on-blonde action. Of course, a stunt like that would be very risky for the writers to pull off, so I didn't hold my breath.

However, that didn't stop one tenacious young scribe from typing up a deleted scene mere hours after the episode aired. While some of us were merely imagining an impossible scenario, this eager writer was hard at work. We will delve now into this literary masterpiece. To see the original, simply click here.

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Mile High (30,000 Feet Remix)

by Tessykins

Claire’s still shaking with adrenaline when she follows Elle into the cramped airplane bathroom. After nearly plunging out of the sky, two women entering the same bathroom doesn’t cause any comment.

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At least Tessykins has the first part right. Seeing as no one noticed an electrically charged blonde hottie lighting up her seat with zaps of wild current, it's safe to assume they wouldn't notice the same person slipping into a bathroom with a far less attractive blonde. Also, Tessykins chooses his/her words carefully; notice "doesn't cause any comment", which to me implies that many a head may have turned, even fantasized, but for those brief moments, mum was the word.

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Elle leans against the wall, arms wrapped tightly around her shaking body, as Claire splashes cold water on her face. Claire’s pretty sure that she would survive a plane crash, but adrenaline is still coursing through her veins. She thrills to it, fiercely glad that she can at least still feel this. Claire looks up into the cracked, dingy mirror and sees Elle’s blue eyes locked on her face.

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Here, Tessykins demonstrates a deep understanding of the characters, and why they feel (or don't feel) what they feel (or don't feel). The dingy mirror is atmospheric indeed.

Not an airplane bathroom

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“Thank you,” Elle whispers. Claire shrugs, not quite able to meet the other girl’s eyes. “It’s, uh, it’s the first time I haven’t been in pain for weeks. So, you know, thanks.”

Claire turns, leans against the sink. “It’s nothing. Least I could do to keep you—“

Elle surges forward and does the last thing Claire would expect. Elle grabs Claire’s arms and kisses her, hard and dry. Claire grunts, pushed uncomfortably against the sink; she shoves Elle back.

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As imagined in nearly all of my personal fantasies, Kristen Bell is the aggressor. I wonder, though, why Elle's kiss is hard and dry. In order to seize the moment, I'm sure a certain level of physical pressure is needed; that much I understand. But dry? Was she eating salted peanuts? That wouldn't make sense, because the body would try to compensate with excessive salivation. Maybe she has drymouth. That can be caused by herpetic gingivitis, which isn't a problem for Claire, considering she can rapidly heal from genital herpes if this situation escalates any further. Notice the semicolon in the final sentence. Clearly, Tessykins is an experienced writer.

Also not an airplane bathroom

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“Please,” Elle’s face is open and vulnerable. “I need to feel something other than pain. Please, I need you.”

Claire shuts her mouth on an angry retort. It’s been too long since she felt good. And she wants Elle, oh, she wants. She nods, sharp, hoping she won’t regret this and sure she will. Elle smiles relieved and reaches out. She touches with nervous fingers, eyes on Claire’s face. Claire laughs and wraps a hand around Elle’s neck, pulling her into another kiss. Elle moans, mouth opening against Claire’s. Their tongues slide hotly against each other and Elle pushes desperately at Claire’s shirt, hands seeking skin.

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Claire's inner struggle is artfully rendered in these paragraphs, beginning with the duality of her sexual desire and ending with full-on aggression. Also, "hands seeking skin" sounds like a Craigslist posting. This could be a jab at doomed Craigslist hook-ups; clearly, livejournal is the place for true romance.

Also also not an airplane bathroom


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Claire groans and pushes Elle’s jacket off her shoulders, pulling her shirt over her head. Elle just moans, clutching at her. Claire laughs, kissing Elle’s naked shoulders. It’s too good, power singing in her veins. Elle can’t even do anything to her, but Elle needs her, can’t do this without her. She has the power here and it makes her body sing, Elle’s power ghosting over her skin like a hot breeze.

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This is just hot. Nothing more to say, except to point out a plothole: Elle can indeed do this without her. It's a common practice among both females and males. Yes, she can't have her neck kissed without someone to kiss it for her, but that's a redundant statement at best.

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Elle doesn’t let her keep the power for long, hands pulling at Claire’s clothes. She bites down hard on Claire’s lip, blood flowing over their mouths. Claire gasps, the feeling not pain but exquisite pressure. Elle grins, sharp teeth and bloodied lips. Claire can’t help but kiss her again.

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I have no idea what's going on here. There's lots of blood.

Probably an airplane bathroom

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Soft, full lips press together as their bodies entwined, hands pulling at clothing. Elle’s hands slip under Claire’s shirt, finding her breasts; Claire’s hands unzip Elle’s jeans. Claire spins them around, pressing Elle against the sink and counter. It’s awkward for a moment, then Elle hitches her hips and sits on the edge of the counter. Claire slips between her spread knees and claims her mouth in a kiss.

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Only an experienced mile-higher could provide such intimate visualizations. Clearly, Tessykins knows his/her stuff.

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Elle pulls back with a gasp as Claire’s hand slips down the front of her jeans. Claire smiles, grim; neither of them really expected it to go this far. But if they’re going to indulge in this kind of craziness, they might as well take it all the way. Elle grabs at Claire, mouth slack and wide. Then her eyes refocus and she grins. “Cheerleader,” she moans, and grabs Claire by her belt loops, pulling her closer. And then Elle’s legs are wrapped hot around her waist and Elle’s adventurous hand is dipping into her pants.

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If I could split this into chapters, I would call this one "Elle's Adventurous Hand". The "cheerleader" jibe thrown in really makes fully aware of how well Tessykins understands the show's little quirks. She made a wise choice by channelling her T.V. writing skills into slash fiction.

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Claire moans, her own hand seeking out Elle’s wet heat just as Elle’s fingers slide achingly slow into her. Neither of them have the best angle, but it's good, so good. Elle’s other hand comes up and cups Claire’s face, forcing her to look the other woman in the eyes. Elle leans forward and kisses her messily, eyes still wide open and locked on Claire’s face. It’s really kind of disturbingly hot.

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Here, Tessykins saves us critics the trouble by adding a comment of her own. If I could name this chapter, it would be "Elle's Wet Heat".

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Claire kisses back, a hand sliding into Elle’s hair, pulling it from its ponytail. She yanks at the blonde strands, her other hand thrusting hard into Elle. Elle moans and writhes against Claire, her own hand working. Their hands find a rhythm, thrusting in syncopation, breath hot against each other’s mouth. Fingers pushing harder, deeper, faster. It’s hot and fast and dirty. Elle whines, eyes finally falling shut. Claire presses her face against Elle’s throat, lips finding salty skin. It’s too good, and not enough. Claire twists her fingers and bites at the hollow of Elle’s throat. Elle cries out, heading falling back; she comes with a burst of electricity that buzzes through Claire’s body.

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I am 100% confident that Tessykins typed these paragraphs with one hand. The use of the word "syncopation" is frighteningly impressive. Clearly, Tessykins is a Music major with a keen eye for rhythmic patterns in everyday life.

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Panting and flushed, Elle pulls Claire into a sweeter, softer kiss than they’d shared before. Then, with a crooked smile, she presses her thumb against Claire’s clit in a way that should be painful. One, two more thrusts and Claire is coming hard, biting her lip to keep from calling the other girl’s name. They stay leaned together, sticky and sated, delighting just in feeling.

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This, faithful readers, marks the end of Tessykins' riveting tale. Again, my experience is hindered by a possible plot hole: if Claire is completely without feeling, how was Elle able to bring her to such a raging climax? It's explained in disturbingly graphic detail that Elle's pressure should be tearing the hell out of Claire's tender teenage clitoris, yet Claire feels nothing. Is it possible for her to reach orgasm through sheer excitement? I suppose so. I don't know what would happen if Kristen Bell ever invited me into an airplane bathroom, but I suppose it would be something along those lines.

This is the question I propose to you, the intelligent lads and lasses reading this wonderful piece. Imagine that I am Jonathan Frakes, and this is my new show, Beyond Belief: Fact or Slash Fiction? Could this really happen, or is this another wild invention by a crazed fan? Stay tuned and find out.

As a bonus, I present you with select images from Tessykins' Deviantart account (really):

Tessykins' Hedwig and the Angry Inch fanart:

I had this idea first, I swear

Tessykins' self-portrait:

(not an actual photo)

And last, but certainly not least, "Skip":

Skip